January 17, 2019
During the month of January, it is a commonly known idea that gym owners usually allow applications way beyond their actual capacity. If a gym can accommodate 1,000 regular monthly users, gyms during January can extend it even up to 2,500.
The reason behind this is obvious – people sign-up during January, thinking that this is a year that they’ve been waiting for. They create new year resolutions, with goals that are so ideal and life changing.
But in reality, we know what happens. People go there, they sign-up with every inch of intention to utilize the gym. Sometime around February or March, life happens – a baby got sick, a new project in the office opened up, or even someone leaves them heartbroken.
For whatever reason it is, life happens – an endless roller coaster of ups and downs. The next reaction would be crucial though, for it would test the foundations of their new year’s resolution.
And so, in most cases, that foundation crumbles. It collapses silently, as they dismiss themselves to this idea that “oh it’s okay to skip and not show up today because of reason ‘x’.” Thus, the gym owner wins this bet, wise enough to know what will happen next.
People go in there, pay a 3-month subscription (or even a yearly one) and barely even go to the gym. They create a new year’s resolution, crafting it perfectly but also failing in executing it consistently.
The problem, in this case, is not the gym nor the gym owner. It’s not even their hanging bellies or bulging arms, nor is their company dinners and hangouts.
The real problem here, of course, cannot really be attributed to external factors. Life sometimes gets bitter and there’s nothing that we can do about it.
However, the way we perceive life is something that we can definitely improve.
In other words, perhaps an introspection of the self can lead us to the bigger problem – that we do not fully understand ourselves.
When we make goals, we sometimes overshoot them because we don’t have a clear understanding of ourselves. In the same way, when things get out-of-hand, when two bottles of light beer become two buckets, it is our lack of self-control that causes it.
Given such, the obvious conclusion that we can make is that we cannot really control the external world, but we can control the way we react to it. However, we cannot fully actualize our grip if we lack self mastery, leading to an imbalance.
Thus, the only solution is knowing oneself in a deeper manner so that we become aware of our tendencies. If we have good tendencies, we can refine them, if we have negative ones, we can rectify or avoid them.
The same goes for love.
Most of our decisions go overboard not because we wanted it to, but because of tendencies that we could not resist.
We make the wrong choices not because of wrong partners but because of our own mistakes in life.
And so, to break this curse in 2019, it is crucial to look at ourselves and see what we can do in order to address the issue.
The only problem is the biggest problem – the ‘self’ is a complex idea such that achieving full self-knowledge remains a utopia, till this day.
Come to think of it, can we really truly understand ourselves from all angles that there is? Such would be a daunting task, a journey that we have to undertake for the rest of our lives.
But how about our love life for 2019? If it takes an eternity to understand ourselves, can love be possible for this year?
This is the primary reason that you are here. You are reading this article because you are looking for a cheat sheet, a life hack which will grant you a greater understanding of yourself.
While we can easily conclude that we can never fully understand ourselves, we cannot deny that some people understand themselves better than us, even when we are of the same age as them.
It is not magic nor mystery. Understanding oneself is a crucial task in order to relate into the world. It is a constant push-and-pull battle, as the self is a dynamic being.
Love even takes this battle up a notch given that in loving someone, you don’t only have to understand yourself, but also your significant other.
No matter what the stars and planets may tell you, nor the tarot spells in this article, this guide matters more for it will give you a sufficient outlook in your own personal relationships.
In understanding ourselves, we get to avoid becoming that gym person who enrolls every January, only to waste their investments. Rather, we become that person who can set realistic goals and execute them consistently because we have a clear understanding of ourselves.
12 Archetypes Love And Relationship:
Why the 12 archetypes?
As you are reading this article, you may have doubts in your own mind as to whether or not I will be able to fully understand your case.
If you cannot understand yourself, nor your best friend, or your mother, how much more can a person behind a piece of writing?
I would concede that this is indeed a valid point. Writing this article, I surrender to the fact that I won’t be able to know you, the particular details about you, which can give you a tailor-fitted solution to your problem.
However, know this – I can give you a frame or module from which you can have a better grasp about yourself.
The 12 Archetypes – these are 12 concepts of the self which are formed as humanity grows. They are 12 core ideas which we can find in each and every individual, despite of race, ethnicity, and social context. The 12 archetypes are universal frames from which we can get an idea about the self.
With the 12 archetypes, I am confident that you will end-up having a better grasp about your individuality. I am not saying that after reading about these 12 archetypes love and relationship guide, you will achieve buddha-like enlightenment.
Rather, with the 12 archetypes, you are less likely to repeat the same mistakes and is aware of how to address the recurring problems in your love life.
By looking at the ‘archaic’ frameworks from which the self is built upon, we can have a better look at ourselves and others.
Presumably, this will allow us to have better relations with them, understanding their tendencies and weaknesses. In the same way, we also appear to be better, more matured individuals.
As such, even if I may not personally know you, I may give you a significant advice on how to proceed with your relationships this 2019. By looking into how we operate as persons, we get to have a better grasp on how to deal with things as well.
Come, and join us in this article about understanding the self and 12 archetypes love and relationship!
(NOTE: If you don’t know your archetype yet, please make sure to take the test at our website, individualogist.com. We will give you a free report about yourself and your archetype!)
As we proceed in understanding how the archetypes can give us an idea about ourselves, particularly in the love life or relationships aspects, we have to take note of a few key concepts in order to systematically understand this article.
These concepts will not necessarily be discussed outright in the sections. However, we should keep them in mind in order to have a more holistic understanding about our archetypes and how we can apply them to relationships.
Key Concept #1: The Individuation Process
The first core idea to be discussed in this section is about the most important of them all – the individuation process.
Jungian psychologists and scholars have a different understanding about us and the jungian archetypes – they perceive it as a journey, never a stagnant and limiting box from which we understand ourselves.
Furthermore, this understanding of the individuation process also points out that an individual doesn’t have simply one archetype. Rather, it points out that individuals have all 12 archetypes, it’s just that one stands out and shines on top of the others.
First, perceiving the archetypes as a journey is crucial because people may often misinterpret the archetypes and the readings that we give in this site. Understanding that the 12 archetypes is part of the whole individuation process makes a point of how important it is to recognize the dynamism.
By having the right mindset about archetypes as a journey, it allows for a possibility of dynamism. Understanding the individuation process is crucial because although our identities are based on certain formats, these are formats from which we can grow with or apart from.
For instance, if your reading classifies you as an innocent, the idea of a child wanting utopia and happiness would be your main motivator. However, as you grow up, this vision may change into being an orphan who perceives the world quite the opposite from the innocent.
This shift is important because it shows that we can journey from one archetype to the other. Although it doesn’t signify that one archetype is more matured than the other, it gives us the idea that we can move forward.
Furthermore, as justified by this moving forward, our archetypes are also dynamic in a way that we may all have them within us.
The basis for this argument is that these archetypes are based on the collective unconscious. Although we won’t be able to fully tackle this dense concept, the basic idea here is that our archetypes precede us for it is rooted in our being human.
With this assumption, we then proceed with the concept that perhaps our archetypes are within us, it’s just that some shine brighter than the others.
In the journey towards the individuation process, it is important to understand that certain archetypes are given the spotlight over and above other archetypes. This is both because we may be stuck in this archetype for now or we associate strongly with this one such that we reject the idea of departing from them.
When a person becomes a caregiver, who impacts the world through their daily simple and direct actions, it doesn’t mean that they will remain as such. Certain life events can drastically change them, leading them to become quite the opposite – like the outlaw or the ruler archetype.
Such is the nature of the individuation process, something to keep in mind as we proceed with this article.
Key Concept #2: The Shadow
In the first core idea, we have seen that the individuation process is both a journey within the self and outside the self. As we make choices in life, we walk the path of being human.
If we look at our archetypes, sometimes we ask why this archetype shines within us and not the other one. In the same way, we can also inquire how we can let the other archetype excel.
As we try to get a better understanding of ourselves, we have to accept the human aspect within us – our shadows. Shadows, in Jungian psychology, are understood as negative concepts of the self and the world that are often repressed or not manifested.
Due to their covert existence, they often seek manifestation and reconciliation with our ego or consciousness.
This effort to reconcile is often done unknowingly by making ideas and judgments about the world. When someone grew up with an idea of how a woman should be, any contesting ideas may be in conflict with such ideal.
With the establishment of the idea that women should be prim and proper, a child may associate rowdiness and outgoingness as non-ideal.
However, in this whole process, we have to see that such classification was a natural consequence of being unable to manifest or accept the other viewpoint. As such, they become shadows – ideas that we disdain but may secretly want to pursue and become for ourselves.
In this case, in order to have a better understanding about 12 archetypes love and relationship, it is necessary to take things with a grain of salt.
Perhaps, our negative association with things are not mere coincidences. Rather, they are the inevitable result of having shadows within us.
Thus, the next time we try to understand the other and ourselves (the key idea in love), we can have a better framework not only through archetypes but also with the assumption of shadows.
This will allow us to be more lenient and accepting, knowing that they may be acting in a certain absurd way because they have frustrations within themselves.
In the same way, we also get to have a more objective analysis about ourselves whether our actions in our relationships are manifestations of shadows within us. We can then give a more accurate assessment where the problem really lies.
Key Concept #3: The Golden Mean
The final key concept that we will be discussing is the classic idea of Aristotle. Around 384BC, a brilliant mind was born in the western world, whose name will soon be etched in the pillars of western thought.
His name was Aristotle – the most famous student of Plato. Aristotle is highly regarded for his philosophical ideas, tackling both the tangible and intangible world (metaphysics).
As one of the great thinkers, Aristotle had a lot of ideas and is often credited for the discovery of the sciences. But more than that, his relevance is forever glorified with this famous idea of the golden mean.
The golden mean is often characterized as the desirable middle between two extremes. Aristotle held onto this idea that in everything that we do, aspiring for the golden mean is the best way to go.
One of its famous examples is that of Greek virtues. Courage, for instance, is one of the Greek virtues. This virtue is considered as a desirable middle between recklessness and cowardice. By embodying courage, one is able to take a more balanced approach.
In the same way, this concept was also fostered by eastern ideology. Perhaps even older than Aristotle, Gautama Buddha himself sought for this golden mean.
As narrated in their texts, Buddhism presents buddha as a guy who has sought the middle between pointless suffering and endless joy. As he grew up in an environment free from decay, buddha had quite a unique viewpoint.
However, this viewpoint changed as he sought the real world, seeing flowers withering and people dying. Buddha then sought meditation of ascetic monks based on suffering.
After 49 days, he reached the conclusion that the right path is the middle, one that strikes the balance between two extremes.
The similarity between the two legendary thinkers allows us to conclude that the idea of the golden mean is a universal idea. Such is an essential conclusion that we have to make.
With the archetypes being ‘archaic’ and universal, a core idea in understanding them must also be of the same stature. The golden mean, an idea that is popularly shared by people across time and space, perfectly fits this case.
While the validity of the concept has been presented, we are yet to justify why it should be applied to the case of the archetypes.
If we look at the first two core concepts, we can see that the archetypes are dynamic and consequential.
It is dynamic because our archetypes can be influenced and may change from time to time. In the same way, it is consequential as these archetypes may be results of shadows within us. Even the mere fact of harboring one archetype automatically creates a corresponding shadow, making it a consequential idea.
As such, with all the dynamism and complexity embedded in the very nature of the ‘self’ it is only fitting to assume that the right words and actions often stems from selecting the ‘golden mean’.
One good example for this would be the case of the caregiver. If one is a caregiver, they are often lauded for their altruistic efforts which seeks no reward. This is a good thing.
However, an excess of kindness can be problematic regardless of how zealously we deny it from ourselves. As the classic saying goes, “Casualness causes casualties, over-familiarity breeds contempt”.
Too much kindness towards someone can cause them to become complacent or even dependent on you. This is a natural weakness of the caregiver whose nature is to help, no matter what.
But if we are to analyze the problem, we would see that helping others is not wrong. However, in the process of constantly helping others, we are doing quite the opposite by making them dependent on us.
Thus, we hear of another classic Chinese proverb which rectifies the problem – “Give man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”
With this Chinese proverb, we can see how kindness can be corrected. This is not by removing kindness nor increasing it. Rather, it is by looking for ways to strike the balance.
In the same way, the golden mean can be tailored to be applied per archetype on the subject of love. By identifying certain tendencies and frameworks, people are able to strike the balance of loving someone and loving oneself.
By being aware of the many ways that we can do this, we can expand our perspective and have a better approach for relationships this 2019.
With these three core ideas that we have discussed in this section, I presume that we are now prepared to proceed how love can be made or maintained per archetype.
The first archetype that we will discuss in this article will be none other than the alpha and the omega – the innocent.
We say alpha and the omega because the innocent archetype is usually present in the earliest and latest stages in life.
Just as a young child perceives the world in a way that he/she sees it as a place where goodness can be possible, the elderly also reverts back to this same goal of locating happiness at the end of the journey.
This is not to say, of course, that the innocent archetype is limited in these phases of life. Rather, it can occur at any stage. The key indicator is the ultimate good for the innocent which is utopia in happiness.
One problem with the innocent archetype is that they usually perceive the world in a black-or-white fashion. Their quest for goodness often leaves them in situations where they judge situations based on their limited knowledge.
This preference for a clear-cut solution stems from the innocent’s preference for simplicity and order. Just as all good things are based on simple values, the innocent interprets the world in a way that things are either good or bad, right or wrong.
This binary perspective about the world can be problematic given that relationships often are in grey areas. Dealing with people cannot be simply subjected to a clear-cut way of understanding things, given that people are complex beings in themselves.
As such, when a problem arises in a relationship, applying this solution might even complicate it further.
The key to addressing this weakness of the innocent is by widening one’s perspective on the problem.
Because the root stems from the simplistic world view of the innocent, addressing it necessitates that we widen our perspective.
It is commonly known that the fears of the innocent are to be unhappy or to be punished. These fears reflect in how they deal with the relationships with them.
Failing to find the golden mean between being happy and being punished can lead to a problematic relationship simply because relationships are meant to be imperfect.
Just as we are constantly adjusting with life, with things that we do, with dreams that we aspire for, relationships are also something that we constantly battle with.
Even more, it requires that we deal with another person in an intimate manner, one that seeks to understand the other.
The complexity of such task challenges the innocent to be themselves instead of becoming simply what others want them to be. Sometimes the issue is that the innocent can never truly express themselves in a relationship.
Because they are ultimately concerned about being happy and avoiding punishment, the innocent may have the tendency to downplay issues in a relationship. When someone is doing something wrong, the innocent has the tendency to simply turn a blind-eye to this issue.
As such, the point here is that the innocent should instead strive for facing the issue despite it bringing unhappiness. In this way, it will allow them to grow and become a better partner to others.
By looking at the ultimate good of each archetype, we get to have an idea of their tendencies and supposed actions.
In the case of the member, the key word for them is to ‘belong’. Unlike the innocent archetype which seeks a perfect world (or sometimes realistically called ‘happiness’), the member seeks to contribute to something bigger than himself.
With this core idea, the member has the ability to blend with almost any group that they like. They are masters of adjusting themselves to fit and contribute to a given system or group.
This can be a strong point in relationships given that they are able to communicate well and consider the both of you as a team. Unlike other archetypes, the member has a strong sense of balance between the self and others.
By viewing the value of oneself as important through contribution, members can make excellent partners in life – one that will constantly keep the pace with the other in order to attain a greater purpose.
Despite having these natural strong points, the member archetype is far from perfect in relationships. They themselves are prone to certain issues, just as any other archetype is.
While they thrive in relationships which make them feel that they belong, this is not always the case.
Being in a relationship with someone often takes you to new heights. It can be a roller coaster of emotions, a series of ups and downs, a constant push-pull battle which will make you learn new things.
Part of the new things that you can learn is something about yourself and your partner. And while we want to learn things that are in-line with our ideas, they are not necessarily the case for we might see certain aspects in ourselves and the other that we do not like.
The member thrives in doing things that they are attuned with. But this will crumble due to the inevitable fact that they will always learn and know something more which do not necessarily form part of what they signed up with.
Meaning, their conceptions of what love is, a partner is, and themselves can be altered throughout a relationship, risking the validity of their choice.
The member’s abilities stem from their strength. However, this strength can easily be also their greatest weakness.
The solution to this problem is to look at the individual self. While we can choose to consistently become the member, this choice can somehow consume us in a way that’s unhealthy.
By fully committing ourselves in this choice, we forget ourselves, who we are, and why we made such choice in the first place.
When they are too consumed with our own choices and commitment to it, we forget the essential idea that we are individuals capable of making a choice for ourselves.
As such, if they remember these things, then we will be able to see the real value of their relationships. In this way, they get to clarify with themselves what they really want – the idea of being in a relationship or the actual relationship with the person beside them.
The noblest of all the archetypes, the hero is often the embodiment of courage and strength. Based on the alpha males of a pack, the hero is often a leader who is willing to step forward and take charge when needed.
But unlike the ruler, the hero doesn’t pride himself of control. While the ruler places emphasis on the value of doing things and being on the seat of authority, the hero gives more emphasis on conquering the task-at-hand.
Regardless of their scope and utility, the hero conquers the impossible because they are fully focused on overcoming any problems or enemies that they encounter in life.
As such, heroes often have a very straight-forward and daring personality, one that easily cuts across the room. Their reputation precedes them for they are often subject of fame. Their noble acts reach the hearts of the people.
The main problem with the hero archetype is that it often begins relationships with problems. While there’s nothing really wrong with beginning with problems, the hero archetype necessitates that this is the proper starting point.
Perhaps, this comes from the perception that if we begin with a problem, then we are solving something. Coming in a relationship where I can contribute into helping and being the solution of the problem means that I get to live out my role as a ‘hero’.
But relationships, some would say, are even better when it doesn’t begin with problems.
For instance, someone is currently in a rocky state with their partners. The hero sees this as a problem and an opportunity to become the ‘hero’ by salvaging the person they want.
While this can be a valid starting point, what we’re missing out with is the idea that the hero sees it as a goal instead of an end-in-itself. In order for the hero to live-out their archetype, they must necessarily start with this phase.
One way to deal with this situation is to accept that this is the nature of the hero. But instead of focusing on this limiting viewpoint, the hero may actually transcend this whole concept that he must ‘slay a dragon in-order to become the savior’.
The hero, in entering and maintaining relationships, need not change their archetype. Instead, what they need to do is to make sure the goal that they have in mind.
At the root of being a hero, one may be consumed by the power and glamour that comes along with it. If a ruler’s weakness usually is in temptations, the hero also shares the same breaking point.
However, for the case of the hero, it often comes with the obsession about one’s status, more than anything else. Being a hero grants you the spotlight which can make you obsessed to it.
That’s why as literature describes it, heroes are often corrupted as they go along because they constantly want to become that figure which people admire.
In the same way, while helping others in a courageous manner is a great quality for being in a relationship. However, heroes simply have to be conscious about this fact and the goal that they have in mind.
At times, their goal and the right thing to do may be aligned. But as a relationship carries on, this will be tested into waters. It is up to the hero to do the right thing.
The unique quality of the caregiver which allows them to stand-out amongst all archetypes is altruism.
Compared to all archetypes, the caregiver is someone who always places others first. But contrary to other archetypes, the caregiver gives value to others expecting nothing in return.
Just as a mother will do everything for their children, the caregiver will be there, like a neighbor, who is willing to help at any moment.
This is because the key good for the caregiver archetype is to contribute to the lives of other people. Unlike the member that needs to belong, the caregiver can be a ‘barbarian’ type as long as they serve their purpose.
As such, we often see them in relationships as the ‘giver’ who is willingly and wholeheartedly loves the other unconditionally.
Same with their weakness, the caregiver sometimes lacks in valuing themselves. Meaning, the caregiver may be this altruistic person because he/she doesn’t pay attention to valuing themselves.
In the same way, the weakness of the caregiver translates into dependency of the other towards them, just as a child is fully dependent on a mother for food.
Carrying on with relationships in this manner can become problematic and cause unnecessary conflict between couples. Even if the caregiver is a totally good and understanding person, the lack of relationship dynamics can crumble the relationship.
For instance, the caregiver archetype is in a relationship that seems all well and good. Suddenly, the partner loses interest simply because everything becomes less interesting.
This loss of interest, which can be quite unfathomable, is technically a result of the static approach of the caregiver. Being constantly available to the other makes it less of a romantic relationship and more of a mother-child or best friend relationship.
Being a caregiver type in the relationship is not necessarily wrong. As a matter of fact, many people long for a type of relationship where their partner genuinely cares about them.
As a caregiver, one might be able to satiate this desire. But being a careless caregiver type can change the meaning of genuinely caring for the other.
The caregiver, as a natural tendency of their archetype, has the tendency to build their life as a pillar of support towards the other. This may become the problem of the relationship itself simply because it won’t be a romantic relationship anymore.
Rather, it will either be a provider type relationship or dependency – depending on which side you would like to emphasize. As the caregiver is constantly present, things can become stagnant which is the enemy of progress.
Feelings will eventually fade, and before the caregiver knows it, the relationship has already ended.
But this shouldn’t necessarily be the case, nor is the caregiver eternally trapped in this premise. The solution to this problem is for the caregiver to place a little bit more emphasis on self-love.
By loving one’s self and not attaching one’s value on the partner or the relationship itself, one is able to retain their self-worth. People are attracted to persons who are either of the same level to them or higher than them.
If you simply follow the path of the caregiver, you will eventually become lower than the partner. But if you realize your self-worth, you attract the partner. For 2019, the caregiver should start caring for themselves first.
The fifth archetype in this series will be none other than adventure themselves. The explorer archetype is known for their unending interest in going out there and exploring things for themselves.
As such, the explorer, unlike other archetypes, is often filled with much to know and say simply because they have most likely experienced it all.
They generally make great people to hang around with due to the fact that they are often well-versed in life itself.
Being an explorer, their strength is in constantly searching new ways of understanding life, regardless of its complexity. Explorers often flourish in face of mystery for it is what they are seeking.
In the same way, love can be one of the many aspects of life that the explorer can pay endless attention to. The dynamic nature of relationships attracts the explorer, possibly making them eternally caught up in this ever-changing landscape.
One particular problem with the explorer entering a relationship is commitment.
While the explorer archetypes are particularly a fun person to be with, this joy can be fleeting given that they are ones that focus mainly on finding out about new things.
Being in a relationship is always a new thing, but for most part, it is filled with small and loving struggles together where the silent acts of simply ‘being there’ when it counts the most, matters the most.
This nature of relationships can become a problem for the explorer archetype given that they are often out there to go to an adventure. Being tied down onto a relationship can be quite burdensome for them, as it goes against their nature of spreading their wings.
While in a relationship, the explorer may possibly be prone to constantly venturing on new ways to love and will eventually face a deadlock. The response to this deadlock will matter the most whether or not the relationship will continue.
If the explorer is unable to think things through, they might easily opt out of the relationship. Just as someone comes and goes, the explorer will treat it simply as a happy experience instead of something to actually build upon.
This is because the explorer is not interested on building upon something. Rather, they may be more focused on experiencing things and if the going gets tough, they simply opt out.
As we have stated in the core ideas, the key to moving forward is balance. By aspiring for the desirable middle, more than anything else, any archetype can become the best versions of themselves.
Given this premise, even the explorer will be able to love and stay in a relationship. Instead of seeking happiness from an external source, the explorer can approach the relationship in a manner that he/she will give unique value to it.
By giving this unique value, the relationship will be empowered without necessarily taking away the adventurous nature of the explorer. But of course, this is only possible if the explorer sought balance within one’s life.
If the explorer is still in a very outgoing and adventurous mode, then they should think twice of starting a relationship because they might eventually need to break it.
But if the explorer sees the value of the relationship to be something worth keeping, then the inevitable compromise should be done.
The explorer should be able to realize that some things count more than getting to know the world.
As one of the commonly misunderstood archetypes, the outlaw is often portrayed with unnecessary recklessness and groundless destruction of systems that are already in place.
However, the outlaw archetype is necessary for progress. When things are in place and systems are built, there’s a good chance that it can slowly lead to stagnation and even abuse.
For the outlaw, rebellion from the current imperfect systems is the core good, for it is what leads to progress. By constantly challenging and changing the system, the outlaw yearns for a better tomorrow.
Given that, they should be given a fair amount of benefit of the doubt. This is because the outlaw yearns for a positive change, unlike the unfair perception that they just want to reasonably stir things up.
With this, their relationship statuses can be quite questionable and problematic.
The nature of the outlaw to resist things and feelings can be a core problem why they could not get themselves to fall in-love this 2019.
By constantly viewing change as the core good, the outlaw will seek to break rules of the relationship, even the very idea of having one.
This assumption, of course, is guided by the perception that the outlaw is unable to maintain a healthy relationship that is built on trust and confidence.
While the outlaw continues to seek and reject things, this is for the sole reason that the outlaw thinks that if one is to enter a relationship, they will lose their freedom.
The nature of relationships is that they usually tie us down. Depending on the dynamics presented, a relationship will tie and wear down the partners given that some freedom will be limited when one is currently there.
Furthermore, being in a relationship requires harmony and stability, something that is naturally difficult for the outlaw. It is quite contradictory to their nature which blends with chaos.
In other words, the cynic nature of the outlaw will most likely bar them from getting or even falling in love.
The outlaw has no choice but to loosen up a little bit and to see life from a wider perspective. While we usually regard the outlaw with heroic type of reverence (especially when they are fighting and succeeding with the proper moral cause), their viewpoint with life can be quite limited due to this cynicism.
In other words, to solve this issue, the outlaw has to face the fact that love and relationships comes with a price – and that is one must make his/herself vulnerable to the other.
What this means is that the outlaw has to accept two things.
First, that love and relationships are about self-acceptance. By seeing this viewpoint, the outlaw will see that not all things thrive and is resolved by conflict and revolutions.
Sometimes, things are built upwards, and repaired along the way.
Second, the outlaw must be able to recognize that love and relationships are about mutual compromise. This point is crucial for the outlaw because it defines that people have to let go of some preconceived notions about how life should be when they fall in-love.
The outlaw must learn how to compartmentalize – meaning that when they fall in-love, it doesn’t necessarily change their viewpoint in life.
While the archetype name seems to be quite obviously well-versed in this section of their lives, the lover is still prone to some problems just as any other archetype is.
The core good for the lover archetype rests in bliss and unity. They perceive the meaning of the world by way of being in-love and in a happy relationship. For them, the most important thing is to give love and to receive it as well.
In this case, the lover archetype is not pure intimacy and sexuality. Rather, the lover archetype is more about commitment and passion.
When the lover archetype finds the one that they want to spend the rest of their lives with, they will be passionately doing everything in their power in order to be with that person.
This is not to say that their meaning entirely depends on an external source – like another person. Instead, they find life meaningful because what is there to experience in life other than the joy of being with someone else or people around you?
As such, one of their key values is to be physically and emotionally attractive so as to maintain this meaningful attention and experience for them.
Two significant possible problems may arise out of the lover archetype.
First, the lover archetype may fall to the hopeless romantic syndrome. In being a hopeless romantic, they view life as an endless series of romance which is forever unfulfilled given the very nature of life itself – going up and down.
And so, the lover whose main good is to love and be loved can be trapped in this idea of being and falling in-love. This trap can define their lives, and actually distract them from the true essence of love.
Second, the lover archetype already has a very strong bias towards love. This means that they are also prone into defining the whole meaning of life as love itself. Such can be problematic given that if love is dynamic and complex, life is even ten-fold more.
Meaning, when the lover becomes too consumed by the idea and goal of being in-love, they might forget the real essence of it.
The problems of the lover archetype in love itself is their tendency to go overboard. When they place all their chips in love, they breathe it, and be consumed by it.
As such, the solution is in balancing the way they perceive love and life in general. By striking a healthy balance between loving themselves (which leads to self-improvement) and loving their partners (which leads to relationship building), they will have a healthier outlook in life.
An imbalance from both aspects can easily tilt the scales away from their favor as one leads to narcissism and the other, dependency.
Both these traps are deadly and should be avoided by the lover archetype at all costs!
Furthermore, one way to solve these problems is to have a deeper understanding of love.
By perceiving it not only from the superficial level, the lover archetype will realize that love is about patience and sacrifice. This matured type of love can give them a wider perspective, allowing them to manage themselves better.
Thus, the only real challenge for the lover archetype is to manage themselves fairly.
The creator archetype excels in finding new ways to understand the world. Just as how artists are able to interpret things in their own ways, the creator is able to see new angles of understanding life.
As such, they pride themselves with the ultimate goal of perfection, they constantly strive in greatness. Even in their own imperfect ways, the creator archetype often continually moves forward by consistently revising whatever they’ve built.
Furthermore, unlike the sage archetype, they are not limited to the imagination. They are individuals who do action by creating not only by thinking. As something pops into their head, they seek to actualize it in their own perfectly imperfect ways.
As for relationships, the creator is open to it, and strives to become better in it. If the creator is in-love or wants to fall in-love, they would make it in such a way that their ideas will seek to max-out the potentials within a relationship.
One major flaw of the creator archetype is that it constantly seeks to perfect themselves through their creations. Often associated with artists that are revolutionary in the way that they present their art, they strive to create something that lasts beyond themselves.
This tendency of the creator archetype can often become a problem simply because they operate in a way that can sometimes be absurd and non-comprehensible. Just as generational artists are often misunderstood, the creator can simply be not comprehended in a relationship.
By being out of this world, their partners might have a hard time to get along with them.
Furthermore, the creator archetype also can become too much of a perfectionist to be in a relationship. By being such, they may fail to fill the expectations that they have for themselves.
Relationships can easily go complex at times, even when couples are simply choosing between restaurants to dine-in. If people we’re not to complicate the problem, this can be an easy one, instead of striving for picking the perfect choice.
While selecting the perfect choice can make wonders for a relationship, the constant pressure of such goal can become tiring for partners. But for the creator, this is fun and exciting. The problem is that the other might not share the same perspective.
With these two problems, the key pointer for the creator is to be more conscious of how they appear in the relationship. Sometimes, if they appear too dominant by just being themselves, they can stir up problems which could have been avoided as mentioned above.
By looking at themselves, they get to ask if they are treating the relationship simply as another creation that they create for themselves or something that both of them, with their partners, create.
The answer to that question can give us an insight if the creator will be able to adjust properly. By settling within themselves what they want to happen, they can better address the issue of being a perfectionist.
This means that if they are willing to perceive the relationship as a cooperative activity, then it means that there is room for the other partner to contribute and make sense of the relationship aside from how the creator perceives it.
In doing so, it gives a sense of meaning to the other partner, even when some of the choices they make aren’t the best. Allowing the creator too much control can lead to better choices but can also become quite dull.
For instance, even if the creator already knows that the chicken nuggets in this. (some random store) doesn’t really taste well, they may allow the other partner to still buy it for both of them.
The goal in doing so is not to pick the best chicken nuggets available, but to give the other partner some control and share in the relationship.
Love and relationships then, will be perfectly imperfect in its own way through the susceptibly wrong but more meaningful choices that both of them make.
Perhaps the most entertaining of all the archetypes, the Jester excels in being the lifeblood of the party. With their bag full of jokes, the jester is an excellent entertainer, often capable of making things interesting and lively.
This is a natural consequence of their consideration on what the core good is. For them, the essential good that they must aspire for is happiness and pleasure, for life’s meaning is embedded in it.
For short, the jester is not interested in creating or building something. Unlike creators, rulers, heroes, and the like, the jester is not interested in some immortal perception of himself or what he’s done.
Rather, the jester has a somehow deeper understanding that the nature of life is one that ebbs and flows, that the meaning rests in the experience within this pattern.
Given this, we can take the jester as someone that seeks to live in the moment. As life approaches them and as they approach it in return, they don’t seek to keep it but to experience it.
Their living in the moment shows that they love to just enjoy whatever is there, for they find it meaningful, more than anything else.
While the jester archetype can be quite good in keeping the fire burning in the relationship, this flame will eventually wear-off. No matter how hard the jester will try, there will be days wherein their partners won’t be sharing the same laughs with them.
This part of relationships which is not only about the good parts but also the ugly ones, can run quite contrary to their goal of seeking pleasure and happiness. The jester may find this problematic and may try to address it by using palliatives.
However, these band-aid solutions presented by the jester archetype can be quite superficial and will not address the direct root of the problem. Instead of addressing the irreconcilable differences, the jester is often tempted to just make-fun of the moment or make the moment fun.
Such tendencies are naturally born out of the jester’s desire to live the moment, instead of doing something about it to make it last. Given this predicament, they often forget about the consequences of their actions, and focus on the result instead. As long as they are happy for the moment, they carry on, even when they know the ride has to end someday.
One solution that the jester may explore is checking in on himself if he/she has any issues that they are trying to cover up.
Why so? This is because sometimes this archetype emerges when people try to cover up something that they can’t get over with or something that they hate within themselves.
Just as when some of us keeps on posting memes, we perceive the one posting as a happy person. But while their memes are extremely funny, we fail to realize that they may be sad from within.
In this case, having this inner loneliness can cause problems to the relationship, as the jester will constantly look ways of covering it up. By making the moment happy and joyous, the jester may actually hide their true feelings about themselves and about their inner issues, which will inevitably reflect in their relationship.
Futhermore, the jester should also assess what is their goal in the relationship. If their goal is simply to have fun, then they should think of whether or not this relationship that they have is right or wrong.
Jesters, who are happy and pleasure seekers, might be better-off in casual relationships where couples do not necessarily see themselves to end up with each other. This is a crucial point given that if they see it this way, at least the jester has become honest in the beginning of the relationship.
Otherwise, the jester must consider that a serious relationship, where one dates to eventually get married, is something that they must adjust with. While they are experts of living in the moment, this shouldn’t be the case all the time.
The jester must learn to balance and tone down their tendencies if they want to create a long-lasting relationship with the one they’re with now or will be.
The sage archetype is renowned for its quest of knowledge, one that is unique to itself. It is the archetype that seeks to know for knowledge’s sake, not for any ulterior or exterior motive.
As this archetype endlessly pursues old and new forms of knowledge, the sage becomes a symbol of wisdom for many. Their vast ideas about things allow them to become well-equipped and ready to handle life’s challenges.
Such power stems from the sage’s act of learning from the mistakes of other people. Just as they love to read books, these things grant them wisdom about the experiences of others. As such, they often do not commit a lot of mistakes.
Similarly, the sage archetype is also wise to a point that they let the head take over the heart. They are brilliant thinkers whose decisions are guided by facts, intuitions, and implications instead of unstable feelings.
As such, when they get into love, they are very much capable of the right choices which leads to the right kind of love.
Being a unique archetype in their own ways, the problem of the sage within relationships is that they will find it difficult to be with the right person.
The sage excels in almost anything, given that they are realistic and driven individuals. As the famous quote says that knowledge is power, the sages often have unlimited potential in doing things because they can tap onto the process and understanding of it.
Love comes as no exception, given that the sage can have a wiser and more understanding notion of love perhaps even more than the lover archetype. Because the sage is not attached to any worldly possessions, they are also often not bound by their social statuses and reputation.
Because they seek knowledge for knowledge’s sake, they are the embodiment of philosophia which means love of wisdom. Their very act of pursuing knowledge is love in itself.
The solution for the sage archetype is to never give-up and continue searching for the right person who can fit their well-thought of idea of love.
Because their idea and conception of love can be so wise, it will commonly not fit with most individuals. But with the right perseverance, the sage can continue holding on and move forward in doing so.
Furthermore, the sage should already know this, but love and relationships are not always something that we can have in a snap of a finger. Perhaps, this is only possible with the infinity gauntlet, but other than that, the sage should remain patient.
This is because when people fall in-love and decide to stay-in-love, this choice cannot be forced. This is a choice that is like a seed growing into a tree. We need time, understanding, and patience, just as a tree needs sunlight, water, and nourishment.
Loving someone requires that we go beyond our individuality, beyond our quest, beyond our ultimate goal, and be ready to just give everything up. The sage understands this, and as long as they continue to have faith and patience, they should do fine.
The magician archetype, perhaps, is the luckiest of them all. This is because the ultimate good for the magician archetype is power. They are often associated with individuals who are naturally gifted with the capacity to do whatever they want, whenever they want.
Just as a magician can magically pull a dove out of his/her sleeve, the magician archetype is able to showcase this prowess by letting people know that they are able to make things happen magically.
What do we mean by this? The magician archetype is different from all other archetypes simply because they are the ones that can make wine out of water. In other words, no matter what situation they may face in life, they will always be able to pull a string out and do the improbable.
And so, this same characteristic extends even in how they deal with love. By being capable and powerful, the magician is able to make people fall for them if they want to. They are individuals who are able to mesmerize people with their charm alone, making the general public wonder what’s in them that makes them become amazing.
Just like the sage, the magician is often perplexed in why they could not find love. If they are real magician archetypes, the powers of the universe and fate are within their hands. They should have been able to do almost anything that they want, and so, it makes them wonder sometimes why things don’t go their way.
If the magician is not yet in a relationship and wants to be in one yet struggles to be, the only logical reason behind this is that they may have forgotten their powers as a magician.
In forgetting their value and individual uniqueness, the magician may lose their chance in love, just every other archetype. Compared to other archetypes whose identities and tendencies are part of them, they often have their own way or form of falling in-love.
But for the magician archetype, this is not necessarily the case for they simply have the power to become whatever and whoever they want to be. Fazed with the sheer complexity of love and relationships, they may forget that they are magicians and thus end up with no way to love the other.
The solution for the magician archetype, of course, is to remember why they are there and how they were there in the first place.
Love can lead them to a long, winding, and crazy road, to the extent that they may forget their magical prowess. The key to solving this is going back to the basics and getting a hold of oneself.
Magicians can do this by making sure that they have enough self-confidence and belief in themselves, ensuring that they are able to move forward in the relationship.
Not forgetting their magical powers will allow them to exercise and hone it to fit their partner and their own needs. Meaning, for the magician archetype, nothing really is impossible for they will always find a way to make things work.
This is an excellent quality to have in a relationship for relationships can sometimes be faced with seemingly insurmountable problems. The magician can face this for they are one of the few archetypes that believes that nothing is impossible, and everything can be within their reach if they wanted to.
The last archetype in this series is none other than the ruler archetype. This archetype may seem as one of the best archetypes to a certain extent for they are people who commonly excel and have a huge influence about things.
Their ultimate good rests in having control and being in-control, not because they want to become dictators but because they are just alphas in their own way, seeking to actualize how to properly govern people. While some of them are infamous and rejected in history, most of them are also highly renowned for their heroic acts and successful governance.
They pride themselves in their own power and control, for it is carved within their DNA to lord over other people. They are natural born leaders who are decisive and cunning, often able to produce results in the various fields of life that they are interested in.
Love and relationships are not an exemption for them, as they are also able to command and lead a relationship (especially if they are the male). Being great leaders, they will often be able to weather the storms in a relationship. Their problem-solving skills will also allow them to locate and identify what’s wrong and fix it if they want to.
Perhaps, just as the last 2 archetypes, the ruler is imbued with natural prowess in handling a relationship.
The key problem, however is their obsession for control.
The ruler has a natural affinity towards control, something that they cannot easily do away with, as it is part of their nature to take a hold of things. Such can be quite problematic as it runs naturally contrary to the dynamic nature of relationships.
As we know it, relationships are often a give-and-take scenario, where one person sometimes has to let the other person decide and lead the problem. There are also cases within the relationship where people simply need space in order to breathe and keep things at a healthy tone.
Such natural responses within a relationship can be problematic for the ruler archetype as they can be quite demanding and dominant. Even when they have reasonable demands, not allowing another person to make choices can essentially defeat the purpose of having a relationship.
The ruler may have a hard time seeing this, and may cause problems along the way, eventually leaving their partners and looking for someone they can control and manipulate.
The only way for the ruler archetype to truly fall in love and be in a meaningful relationship is by giving up some of that control.
By allowing a certain space from which the other person can also contribute, the ruler may see it as one way of effectively leading them. A wise ruler imbued with the sage’s knowledge, will be able to know that they don’t have to necessarily be in control for them to make sense and be meaningful.
Rather, we can see that in most of the ruled states, the wise ruler can assign some control and leverage to their generals. The same principle can be applied in relationships, allowing partners to be involved and contribute.
By doing so, the ruler gives meaning to the relationship, making it more beautiful than what they originally envisioned it to be.
By letting their partners contribute, they become excellent in leaders and peacemakers, making the relationship sustainable and effective.
Harnessing their powers in the right way will make rulers the excellent lovers that they should and will be.
In this article series, we have seen how love can be in the air for the 12 archetypes this 2019. If you are seeking love or is striving to preserve it, understanding 12 archetypes love and relationship is essential for you.
By paying attention to these ‘archaic’ frames from which man exists, you will be able to become the best partners that you can be. In the same way, if you already know the archetype of your loved one, you can have an insight of how and why they fail in their relationships.
With this, you can have a healthy approach to the whole scheme, making your relationship function better than ever.
So, if you are yet to know your archetype, make sure to take our free test! Invite your friends and partners too, so that you will better know each other in the process.
The Individualogist Team is made up of archetype fanatics, individuation practitioners, and spirituality fans. Our humble group has banded together to deliver thought-provoking, life-changing, and growth-probing wisdom.